A path toward integration, regeneration, and harmony.
We often find ourselves entangled in web of intricate family, group, organizational, societal, and personal dynamics. That often disrupts the harmony we yearn for in relationships and life, and we can’t restore it with any traditional methods.
Bert Hellinger’s concept “Orders of Love” offers a path toward integration, regeneration, and harmony within any living system.
Exploring the Orders of Love
Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellations, explored the intricate workings of human relationships within family systems and their profound impact on our lives. He observed that life in general, and love in particular, follow invisible laws that govern the harmony and balance within families. He called these laws the “Orders of Love.”
Later, his students discovered that the same laws similarly govern all living systems- groups, communities, organizations, and society as a whole.
At the heart of Hellinger’s philosophy lies the belief that every person is inherently interconnected with their family system across multiple generations. Each family system holds stories about love, betrayal, death, exclusion, to name a few. All of them invisibly impact our lives and keep us entangled and unfree even when we are not aware of them consciously.
Same is true for any other living systems and we see these laws at play in any group, community, organization, as well as society as a whole.
The Orders of Love shed light on the dynamic interplay within living systems. They are the fundamental principles that underpin healthy relationships and prosperous and harmonious life. By understanding and honoring them, we start living with easiness, freedom and joy.
The Three Essential Orders of Love
Order of Belonging
The first order emphasizes our deep need for a sense of belonging alongside with the need of any living system to honor and integrates all its parts.
It recognizes that every member of a living system has an equal right to belong, irrespective of their circumstances, contribution or choices. By acknowledging and accepting the presence of each individual within the living system, we honor their inherent worth and affirm their place in the larger tapestry of connections and relationships. We restore the wholeness of the system and therefore its health.
When we deny or exclude for example certain family members (intentionally or unintentionally), the order of belonging is disrupted. This disruption resonates across generations, causing entanglements, confrontations, stuckness and a sense of alienation. To restore harmony, we must embrace that everyone is an indispensable part of our family’s system regardless of their actions or perceived flaws, no matter how unacceptable, unbearable or shameful they may seem.
The same is true in organizations for example. Excluding people or acts from the history of the organization for example disrupts relationships. They will not be restored using any classical change management and training methods unless we restore everyone’s right to belong and integrate all its parts.
Order of Hierarchy
The second order highlights the importance of understanding and honoring hierarchy or order of arrival within living systems.
Hierarchies (as in order of arrival) naturally exist in every living system. For example, parents hold a unique position of authority, guiding and protecting their children. Similarly, the founders and previous managers in organizations need to be acknowledged no matter how many transitions have followed and what may be their contribution. Same is true when we bring more experienced people and we do not acknowledge the hierarchy of those that have been before them no matter how insignificant we may think they are in the whole tapestry of the organization.
When the order of hierarchy is disrupted, problems arise and they won’t be resolved until this order is restored. By honoring this order, we recognize the significance of each person’s role within the structure. We embrace the wisdom that flows through the lineage and allow each member to fulfill their unique purpose, restoring equilibrium and promoting a harmonious flow.
Order of Giving and Receiving
The third order illuminates the reciprocity and balance that allowes life to flow and life and love thrive when there is a healthy exchange of giving and receiving.
Many of us have been led to believe that giving is more precious and honorable than receiving and that could not be further from the truth.
When we receive, we honor the giver’s life and enable them to fulfill their purpose. When we are not willing to receive, we deny others the possibility of being in service and we behave as if we are self-sustainable and we do not need to be interconnected with the rest of life. And that could not be further from the truth. Likewise, when we give, we ourselves are in service to life and we have the opportunity to fulfill our purpose.
Disruptions in this order can manifest in various ways. Some individuals may struggle to receive due to past wounds, a sense of unworthiness or a perceived need of independence. Others may excessively give, seeking validation, looking for external confirmation of their worthiness, or attempting to compensate for perceived shortcomings. Such imbalances breed resentment, unfulfilled expectations, and emotional distress.
By restoring the order of giving and receiving, we acknowledge that life and love flow freely when we graciously accept support, allow ourselves to be nurtured, and offer love without attachment. Hence, we are fully interconnected with all living things and create space where life can thrive, and love can flow fostering profound connections.
Questions
Have you experienced aspects of these orders in your life and can you intuitively accept their profound wisdom?
Do you believe that integrating them into our lives, we unlock deeper connections, emotional freedom, and a restored sense of harmony?